I had a friend a few years back who asked me this question whenever I found myself completely stuck.
She told me straight out, more than once (with the utmost love!), that I was in a prison of my own making. And that even though all I could see was walls, dead ends, and no way out … there were actually multiple ways out, around or over all the obstacles in the way.
She was totally right.
The thing is, I was refusing to see the solution, even if she, or someone else, had laid out options right in front of me. I would find fault with whatever was suggested. In my eyes it wasn’t a solution at all, or at least not the right solution for me and my unique situation.
The first time she called me out, I was suffering — SUFFERING!! – with a severe bout of poison ivy that had gotten ahead of me while I was travelling.
I was a proud (read that as stubborn!) newly certified Holistic Health Practitioner, and I was sure I could alleviate all my discomfort naturally. After more than a week, I finally called the doctor, who said a round of steroids would cure it quick. But I rejected that “poison” and I doubled down on natural remedies … and misery.
One day when I was complaining in distress to my friend (again), she gently reminded me that I had a choice in the matter of getting back to health: I could choose the easy way or the hard way.
She pointed out that currently I was choosing hard. And she gave me full permission to do that, as long as I also fully owned the consequences of that choice! 😟😟😟 I definitely hadn’t been doing that!! I was in full victim mode, not an ounce of empowerment in sight. Gulp. I licked my wounds then off I went for the prescription … and I was on the mend in no time.
The next time she called me out was even more LIFE ALTERING:
We wanted to start a family, but I wasn’t getting pregnant naturally, or was miscarrying. I was in my late 30’s, the clock was ticking loudly, and I was losing hope. My friend was the only person I confided in about this struggle. She listened with an open heart every damn month to my circle of thinking around the situation:
*I’m not pregnant again … I want to be pregnant desperately … I want to conceive naturally … I don’t want to have to go the IVF route … I just need to shift energetically … I just need to support my body better … I can figure this out … I’ll try this … I’ll try that …This and that didn’t work … I’m not pregnant again … I want to be pregnant desperately … I want to conceive naturally … I don’t want to have to go the IVF route …* OMG!!!
One day she quietly said, “You know, you can have what you want, but maybe the way you’re choosing to go about getting it is actually the harder way … What if IVF is the shift and support your body needs to conceive? What if it’s actually the easier way?”
And then she said something that tipped the scale …. that I didn’t have to commit to any of it. I could simply just open up to the possibility of it. Take a step towards it and see where it leads.
Well that sounded reasonable … So I scheduled a discovery appointment with the IVF doc … doors opened with ease … And later this week we celebrate our first IVF baby’s 12th birthday!!
✨Thank you IVF!!!✨
Guess what, twelve years later, it turns out I DON’T GIVE A DAMN how my daughters were conceived!! I’m just so glad I didn’t talk myself out of them (which is exactly what I was doing)!
Every day I’m grateful that I chose the easy way. (It actually wasn’t easy at all, but the results were better than my way.) I’m so glad I was willing to open up to the possibility even if it didn’t seem like a perfect fit.
Could I have gotten pregnant naturally? Maybe. But how long would it have taken? Would I have missed the window? What extra risks would time have added to my health or theirs? Would my mother have had the chance to meet both girls if I’d waited it out? Those things could have been the consequences of my continued resistance to the easy way. I didn’t want to own that so it was time to open up to other options.
My friend helped me see the prison I built around myself that kept out what I wanted. She helped me own the fact that I was the reason I wasn’t getting what I wanted with ease. She helped me see how I could open up and make it easier for the universe to give it to me!
The solutions were right in front of me, if I was willing to ease up and change my perspective …
So, if you’re stuck in some dilemma, and person after person is serving up ideas and solutions that you keep finding flaws with or deflecting away, please recognize that this is a form of RESISTANCE.
It’s okay to want something to show up in a certain way but understand that this could be the reason why it’s taking so long to come to you. Try loosening up on your rules of play … try taking a step closer to some of the other options to see how it feels. I guarantee a door will open up that you couldn’t see before.
I still struggle with this at times. But here are some of the questions I ask myself when I can’t see the way:
✨Do you want it to be easy or hard?
✨Do you want what you want … or do you want to be right?
✨Are you owning the consequences of your choice?
✨Years from now are you still going to care about how it came to you, or are you just going to be glad it arrived?
I’m not sure why I’m sharing this today, but I hope this helps you find your way out, over or around whatever obstacles you’ve built … !