I’m not quite sure what I was thinking when I started out on this path of running my own business…
I knew I was totally burnt out from corporate job, and I wanted to do work that inspired me and made a difference for others. But I didn’t have any real idea of what it would truly take …
Studying and learning it all was the easy part.
Learning to believe in myself, and overcoming my doubts and fears about putting myself out there was not so easy.
These days, in order to succeed in business, social media, putting yourself out there and being visible, is all key.
Trust me, I tried avoiding being fully seen for years, but my bank account and client list reflected my invisibility.
I can’t express how many hours I used to waste staring at a post I wanted to share, but hesitating with all the critics in my head. In the beginning I scrapped more than I shared and I dreamed of making enough money to hire someone to be the face of my work so I didn’t have to be it!
It’s a painfully hands-on part of the job. The only way out is through … but it held me back for years.
It doesn’t help that I chose a very ‘out there’ business that was a huge stretch for much of my circle to accept. In my family, when you needed support or healing, you went to a trusted authority — a priest or an MD!
Yeh. So when I announced I was moving to California to study energy medicine and get certified in Holistic Health there were some jaws dropping. Lots of non-committal nodding and confused “oh, good luck with that” wishes.
A few years later when I leaned into Feng Shui, nobody got it, many still don’t.
It took a long time for me to step fully onto this path, knowing I would be swimming up river by myself for most of my journey.
The truth is I didn’t need anyone in my circle to back me in order to succeed, but I had a deep sense of needing to please, to do the ‘right’ thing, to not disappoint … all the basis of my good Catholic upbringing… and the judgement of others gnawed at me.
Even when the people whose approval I craved were long gone or far away, it still bothered me. I was ready to step out and let it go but I couldn’t.
Finally one day I realized the disapproving voices weren’t just in my head. I had surrounded myself with their energy!
> I had a whole wall of photos in our house – pictures of friends, family, ancestors – including many who weren’t fully supportive of my path. It was a judge and jury watching over every step I took out of line.
> I also had a house full of mementos from the time in my life when I was most unsure. It all radiated the energy of that little, obedient girl who was so afraid of being harshly judged.
Even though I was personally on a path of change and evolution, I was still immersed in old energies – definitely not what I needed while I was trying to find new footing!
I re-evaluated everything I had around me in my space. Many of the photos and reminders from the past got put away, given away or energetically cleared.
It made a huge difference for me and took so much pressure off. Once I removed the external influences, it became easier to hear my own inner guidance, find my voice , and prove my ability and worth to myself.
Chalk this up to another reason that I love Feng Shui! There are so many ways we keep ourselves stuck or hold back because of the energy around us.
Of course, that wasn’t the end of it. I still had to do the inner work ….
- Releasing other people’s voices and expectations from my head
- Finding my confidence and place of power in it all
- Trusting in the true value and transformation that I support with this work.
It’s been a big investment (way bigger than the initial learning) … lots of tapping, energy work, coaching and Feng Shui to get to where I am …. And it still takes deliberate effort every day to show up fully.
So back to that intro that I’m not sure what I was thinking!!!! If I knew what it was going to take I might not have tried. And that would have been a shame for me and for those I’m able to help.
This post is really for anyone else out there whose trying to carve their path … who feels wobbly along the way … and who fears being judged for how you’re showing up …
>Take a look around and see if there are some things around you that hold you in the energy of criticism or self doubt.
>Box that shit up and put it away for a bit while you find your own way …
>Surround yourself with photos and moments that support who you’re becoming instead.
You’ll be amazed by how much it helps!
This is the magic I help people with. If you need help lets set up a call …